Dear Mr. Bush,
Just think, less than one week and you get to leave D.C., hang up your Mission Accomplished banner in Houston, and clear brush and drink O'Doul's to your heart's content. I saw your last press conference this week and you seemed a bit--how should I put this?--testy. I understand you feel that we don't appreciate your accomplishments: achieving an approval rating lower than Nixon's, sexually harassing the German President, commiting war crimes with no legal repercussions.
I know we as a country have asked a lot of you, often things that you could not do. That you not start unnecessary wars, that when an American city winds up underwater you have a plan for helping, that you follow the law and respect international conventions. You know, all that unreasonable stuff we asked. But I have one final request.
You have six days left. Resist the urge. DO NOT press the button.
Thank you,
Wally.
P.S. If it makes you feel better you have my permission to invade Canada. But only if you let us make Canada our 50th state. Oh yes, the 50th. We're giving Texas back to Mexico. (Not before liberating my pals. Sam, we might have to get hitched so you will be a citizen of the United States of Americanada.)
P.P.S. It's not you, it's me. Oh, no, it's you.
